"But Mommy, I wanted both."

Tears welled up in my daughter's eyes as we walked out of Wal-Mart, the candy bar clutched in her hand. She was devastated. Armed with her hard-earned money, she had set her heart on buying a candy bar, unaware that it also meant she would have to part with her money. She wanted to keep both.

As parents, we strive to equip our children with a healthy relationship with money. We yearn for them to learn the value of hard work and effective money management. But how do we go about TEACHING our children this art form? Deep down, we understand that one of the earliest lessons they need to grasp is the concept that you can't always have it all, you can’t have your cake and eat it too. Most of us adults also struggle with this notion occasionally.

For Christians, the issue of money management takes on an even deeper significance, as we recognize that our money isn't truly ours. It's a gift from God, and we are merely stewards of these resources. The money is his – we are simply stewards. Our responsibility is to use these gifts in a way that honors Him. Often, we as parents become fixated on guiding our children in this journey, secretly resigning ourselves to the idea that we may never master it ourselves, and thus wishing only for our kids to do it well, and better than we have.

It's a noble sentiment – desiring the best for our kids. And the truth is, we don't need to be flawless to impart sound money management to our children. However, children are perceptive little things – and the saying “more is caught than taught” certainly rings true. They can discern when our actions don't align with our words.

So, circling back to the question – how do we teach our children about money management? It all starts with assessing our own financial situation. Are you and your spouse on the same financial page? Do you have a clear understanding of where your money is going? Are you living within your means? If the answer is "no" to any of these questions, it's time to roll up your sleeves and make some changes. Don't be disheartened; God is perpetually nudging us to grow in various areas of our lives, and perhaps, finances are the current focus.

If you find yourself in a season where growth is needed, view it as an opportunity to teach your children that it's never too late to do the right thing (take a cue from Anna in the movie “Frozen” here). Maybe your next step involves consulting a financial planner or coach. Perhaps you're considering enrolling in a Dave Ramsey Financial Peace class. Whatever your chosen path, take that next step. As you grow and stretch, share aspects of it with your children. For instance, if you're working to eliminate debt and have a set goal, gather the family and lay out the situation. "Kids, we're on a mission to become debt-free. Debt is when we owe money to others. We're working hard to pay off our credit card debt." This opens the door for a family conversation about money like you may never have had before.

However, if your financial situation is stable, and you're conscious of where your money is flowing, and you're living comfortably, consider involving your children in the discussion (based on their age). Talk to them about the three ways to manage money – giving, saving, and spending. Start conversations in your day-to-day life about money – make it normality. This will plant seeds for deeper discussions about money basics.

In our family, we've adopted a monthly allowance system for our children. While it may not be everyone's preference, I find it more practical than tracking individual chores and earned money. The monthly allowance keeps it simple. I can always figure out the amount (assuming I remember my children's ages – it sometimes takes a minute with four of them). The calculation involves multiplying their age by four (to account for the weeks in a given month). For instance, my nine-year-old receives a gross allowance of $36. We emphasize the practice of giving 10% and saving 20%. In her case, $36 becomes $32.40 after setting aside $3.60 for giving and $7.20 for savings. This leaves her with a net of $25.30. Each child manages their own wallet which gives them a sense of ownership and responsibility. It has also been fun to see their different approaches to managing their money. Each kids has the autonomy to make their own choices – forcing them to come to terms quickly with the consequences of their choices. They learn quickly it’s not often possible to have everything.

Your kids are learning from you whether you teach them directly or not (“more is caught then taught”) and they are learning habits, good or bad. I encourage you to take the reins and let the concept of money be a casual and consistent topic day-to-day. Give your kids room to make choices and manage their own money. We can't always have both the candy bar and the money, but we can choose what's most important to us and have grace when we get it wrong.